Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
