The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Watching her eat just hurts me
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
