I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he fucked my hip out of place.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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