Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Boobs are out for the taking
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
