do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
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Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
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When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize