its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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