i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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