he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
