allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
