how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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