so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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