i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
my liver is dry heaving
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
