Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
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It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
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I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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