You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
