i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
pray to the hookup gods
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
