honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My penis needs a shock collar
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
