i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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