oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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