he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
