I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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