Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
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My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
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I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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