UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
