Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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