Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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