i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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