i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
