I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
