How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
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Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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