He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
