Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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