So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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