i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize