the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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