you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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