I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
