The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
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just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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