dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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