I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
