Christians are straight up FREAKS
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
