My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
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Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
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ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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