We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
