Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
