Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
