You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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