Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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