in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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