I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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