I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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