508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
