His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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