i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
How does it feel to date your dad?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
