His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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