The maid of honor just puked.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
