Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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