I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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