But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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