You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
