mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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