The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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