You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
