I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
