I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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