If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
