Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
