I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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