Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
