morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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