Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
