sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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