Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
