Are we in a gay sports bar?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
