yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
