She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
