You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
